*Sorry I’ve been slacking. This holiday season has got me busy as a bee! Been traveling, working, all kinds of stuff. I promise I’ll do better. Love you guys!

I’ve blogged before about how women sometimes need to check themselves on their own craziness before they wreck themselves, but I just kind of wanted to expand that a bit and talk about the repercussions of such craziness.

We all know that love can do some powerful things to you, have you acting in ways that you have never before, but that is not always a good thing. How many people have heard or experienced the story of the ex that won’t stop calling, sits outside your house, or shows up at random places? I know I have. Those are simply the crazies and there isn’t much that can be done about them. But what about those who just love to play games. I know several people both men and women who fall victim to playing games, however I will say that it’s my ladies that seem to be “master tacticians” (c) Harnould, in the sport of Mental Game Playing.

So for the most part I will be speaking to my ladies, but men I want you to pay attention as well. You guys need to learn how to spot this stuff and act accordingly. One you guys do get drawn into the game things get really messy because y’all have no clue how to handle the situation. Unlike the actual movie “Two Can Play That Game” (did anyone see the sequel? What were they thinking?) things don’t always come together in beautiful harmony.

The Games:

Game 1: Making him jealous.

Ladies this one often does not work like you think it will. Strategically showing up somewhere that you know he will be with another man will not make him come crawling back to you now that he realizes your awesomeness (i.e. Single Ladies). Most men don’t do jealousy in a favorable way. On the low end, he may just brush you off for life for trying his patience like that, or on the high end he may stomp homeboy out. Neither are the desired results. Sleeping or even pretending to sleep with anyone he knows, is affiliated with, or happened to see once in the grocery store is a major no (unless you just really wanted to and don’t care). Not only will you run the risk of ending up on the wrong side of “Snapped” but you will surely damage and friendship that could have developed after the flames died.

Game 2: Pretending to be his friend when really, you just want to be nosy.

Now this is where my expertise used to lay. When my ex and I broke up I vowed that we were still friends. I went back to friend duty and everything. But deep down, I was just being nosy. I wanted to know who he was dating, talking to, sexing down, whatever. So I would hit him up and be like “So how’s life, work, pies? Dating anyone new? Ohhhh reallllllly?” The whole time I would be making mental notes. I gave up on this though because it just never worked out how I had it put together in my mind. I had no real strategy and even if I did it was going to be all wrong.

Game 3: Lying about your feelings.

If you feel some sort of way about something, just say it. For those of us ladies out there that ALWAYS feel some sort of way about EVERYTHING I suggest that you learn to pick your battles. Just like we cannot read minds, that goes both ways, only men are not persistent. We will nag the heck out of a dude to figure out what’s wrong with him (often times, he just wants some “him” time…so leave him be) meanwhile a man will ask once, and keep it moving. This is your opportunity to SPEAK UP. I believe in having a statue of limitations on arguments. We better settle it now, or it gets scratched forever. Throw sex in the mix and the argument is dead. So ladies, when he asks “What’s wrong?” this is your time to talk. If you decide to work it out on your own, let that be known and stick to it. Go figure out if you’re being rational or irrational and make adjustments. If you just aren’t ready to talk when he asks, say that, and be reasonable about when you will decide to open your mouth. Don’t be mad when he leaves you alone after the first “I’m fine.” Don’t turn your saltiness into a moment to make him salty and now y’all are fighting. This game DOES NOT WORK. I’m not even sure why we play it. I don’t see any way for this to end up good.

Game 4: Befriending his friends.

I totally support the intersection of friend circles once you’ve reached a secure level of seriousness. But always keep his male friends at a safe distance and only befriend his female friends if you have no ulterior motives. Do NOT, and I repeat DO NOT use his friends as a weapon against him. Now you’re playing with fire. Trying to get underground information on him from them could surely end in disaster and I love y’all too much to see you on the evening news. Infiltrating the den of the male wolf pack only to end up breaking it apart could have lifelong consequences. Just don’t do it. If you feel he has some female friends that could be potential enemies, I suggest you talk to HIM about that. Of course tread lightly and make sure you’re not just trippin first. Trust can go a long way, but more than likely if you are playing games, there is no trust.

Game 5: Being an open book.

I know sometimes women play  the “I’ll tell you everything if you tell me everything” game. Don’t fall for it ice cold. More than likely, you start exposing yourself feeling good about things, and two things are going on. 1) She can’t handle the truth. (Cue Baby Boy: “You wanna know the truth? You can’t handle the truth. I lie to you because I love you. I don’t love them girls.”) So if she can’t handle it, you’re done for. You just opened up only to walk into a bear trap. 2) She’s not fully disclosing to you. She may give some mild information, but anything juicy is NOT coming out her mouth. Perhaps she’s aware of how Game 1 can turn out and she knows you’re crazy. But trust and believe if she lets you see her phone or poke through her facebook/myspace  (?)/Twitter account she’s already wiped it clean. Women are smart. There is no need to save, hit delete right after.

I could think of a few more, but it’s possible that this has gotten too long. Y’all know how I am. So any other games we ladies need to stop playing? What about the games men really do play? Speak on it!

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