*This post was submitted to me by uber-blogger extraordinaire Robin Monique.

Robin Monique is a blogger and freelance writer on a mission to conquer quarterlife, one crisis at a time. Her blog, The Life & Times of Robin Monique (http://robinmonique.com) discusses relationships, hip-hop, sports, politics, culture and life through the eyes of a 20something looking to tell her truth. She is also the Founder/Editor-in-Chief of Polished Cleveland Magazine (http://polishedcleveland.com), an e-zine for young minority professionals in the Greater Cleveland, Ohio area.  Whether editorial or fiction, Robin approaches her writing with a combination of wit, intelligence, passion and raw honesty.

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I am not the one to give relationship advice. This is because I’m in my 20s and thus entitled to a certain level of cluelessness about life in general.  I’m just figuring things out along the way.  However, as a consumer of Black Female Media I am bombarded with our obsession with relationships.  It’s constant.  And I’m sorry to say, but it’s also rather annoying.

Like many of you, I have read the magazine articles, run out to get the dating books (I practically broke down the door to Borders to get my copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You”) and had the roundtable discussions with both my male and female friends about the current state of relationships.  You know what I figured out?  None of that shit works.  At least not for me.

It took for my life to take some pretty drastic emotional turns (turns that didn’t have anything to do with my love life) for me to realize that the only way that I would gain any wisdom about life and love was to let myself go through it.  Some may look at that decision and say “Okay, you’re reckless with your emotions.”  But I do not agree.  When you go through a difficult time in life, you learn where your true strength lies: your heart.  Contrary to popular belief, your heart never breaks or leads you down the “wrong path.”  Your heart is all knowing and all trusting, which means that it will not lead you into any situation that it’s not strong enough to see you through.  When relationships don’t work out, the first thing we say is “My heart is broken.”  Your heart is fine.  It’s your ego that’s shattered and on the floor.

Your heart said “I love this person” and your mind said “I have to make this last.”  When it ends, it’s your mind that cannot accept that it’s over. Your mind needs a reason, or better yet, it needs someone to blame.  It has to be someone’s fault. Were you not pretty, smart, freaky, submissive, aggressive, honest, loving, strong enough?  Was he “not worth shit?”  Was it those trifling hoes of the world tempting him away from your goodness?  Why didn’t it work out?  Meanwhile, your heart says, “Who said it didn’t work out?  We got what we needed from that experience. We will be fine.”  You’re so preoccupied with your analysis that you cannot hear your heart saying “Hellloooo! Didn’t you hear me say I’m fine?”

Right now, I can honestly say that I am blessed to be with a person who makes me blissfully happy.  And it got to be that way once I stopped obsessing over how to hold on to it and just let it flow.  I stopped trying to label it or control it or predict it.  I stopped dogging it out when things weren’t going my way.  I stopped seeking advice.  I instead put all of my energy into enjoying every single moment that I am in the presence of this man.  Should the time come where it begins to flow away from me, I will mourn the loss, of course.  But I won’t call it a failure, because nothing that makes me feel this good could ever be a failure, regardless of how it ends up.  I trust that I’m strong enough to survive the fallout, whatever it may be.

I’m not saying that we should recklessly jump into situations that we know are bad for us.  What I am saying is that we need to give our hearts some credit.  They are way stronger than we think.

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The above post was written almost a year ago. I recently ended the aforementioned relationship because he and I grew apart. But the relationship ended exactly the way I described above. I love him for the wonderful memories that we created and the lessons learned from loving him. We parted on a high note and remain cordial, without any awkwardness. And while I treasure what he and I shared, I am also excited about being completely unattached and meeting my next Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now! I’m living proof that trusting your heart works. All it takes is a little faith!

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