So yesterday I blogged about A Field Negro’s post concerning the high amount of black and semi-black men that date non-black or semi-non-black women. My main irritation with that article and with some of the attitudes that I’ve seen floating around is that black women are driving black men away. Also the idea that people are dating outside of their race not only because they just like that person but because for some reason or another they’ve given up on the members of their own sex. Irritating. I said my stance yesterday so there’s no need to repeat, but I thought that today I’d talk a bit more from the perspective of black women. I will try my hardest to keep it short, unlike yesterday’s 1500 word rant.

It seems to be a commonly held belief that black women don’t inter-racially date or even desire to as often as black men do. I’d say that historically this is probably true and may even be so today, but will not be in the future. Someone commented yesterday that black women have a stronger desire to preserve their race and they didn’t know why. My reply was that it’s really not a black thing, but that black people are the only ones who feel some sort of way about admitting or doing that. It’s not racist for me to love my own race (okay, I sense a tangent coming on, so let me readjust). Either way, I think honestly, the initial reason we saw more black men desiring white women is due to the brainwashing and the nature of wanting something you cannot have. With men historically being the pursuer it was not in a black woman’s nature to desire a white man and pursue that. Not to mention, I’m sure with the raping that occurred on plantations and the lynchings that black women had to witness, there was little room to think to oneself, “now THAT’S the kind of man I want.”

Catching up to modern day, as we look out into the world with a more global perspective, and the ills of the past are but a memory (insert sarcasm) business is not the only thing affected. America since it’s birth has been a bit of a salad. There are all sorts of ingredients mixing about and so naturally it would become easier for one to look beyond the outside and deeper into the inside. So don’t get it twisted black men, black women are looking, and they are finding those men outside of just you. I read somewhere however that black women and asian men were on the bottom of the dating totem pole of desirability. I wish I could find that article. It stated that when you stack up the statistics (that lie) black women and asian men are the most single, and the least desirable by other races. That is a shame. As I stated yesterday with black women it’s a slap in the face that physical characteristics that are commonly associated with us that are now being picked up by non-black women are considered better on them. I wouldn’t be so shocked if white women were still pale, un-shapely, and thin, but these days some tan darker than me, add breast, lip, butt, and hip implants and all of a sudden I’m looking at Beyonce! Crazy.

Now we talked about the rift between black men and women as being the cause for the spike in inter-racial dating and perhaps that has some merit. I don’t think it’s 100% about attitudes and fear that a black man will leave but I think it’s more of a numbers game. We black women outnumber black men, and when it comes to being on the same level concerning education and other factors we are outpacing black men as well.  Also, add to the fact that unlike men, more women are not willing to play the role of sole provider, nor are they as willing to be in a relationship with a man with less “status”. That does not mean all women hold this mentality, but it is often spoke of. A man that is a successful lawyer may not think twice about marrying the schoolteacher or hairdresser. Conversely I know plenty of women that if they become millionaires would not be willing to marry the mailman. According to the “numbers” if the gap between educated black men and women continues to grow, the chances that a black woman will find a black man on the same playing field as her, if that’s what she desires, will be slim. I will not sit here and tell a lie. While I’m not overly concerned with who makes what amount of money, I do prefer to have the same educational background because it’s something to easily relate to.

Again, to be fair, I know I’ve said it before that if by 30 I haven’t found the black man of my dreams, I’m crossing the color line. That was rude and wrong of me. Of course I held in my mind that it wouldn’t have to come to that, but still I think it points to what is possibly in the back of the mind of some women. While I know several black women that date all over the color spectrum just because that happens to be the flavor of the day, I equally know several black women that would only do it as a last resort. Watching Oprah when she talked about how 70% of black women were single (a completely random and inflated number that takes into account nothing good) the theme that they kept repeating was GET OUT THERE AND DATE YOU A WHITE BOY! Okay that’s not exactly what they said, but they were pushing black women to get out there and date outside of our race. This to me is like saying “do it because you have no other choice” and that’s just as bad as a white man wanting me because I’m “exotic” or I make a good pot of greens.

The whole point I’m trying to make here, is that black women are willing to date outside of our race too for whatever reason we may find. Whether it be of the purest intentions or because we feel like we’re backed up against a wall. It sucks that black men are dropping out of college at exponential rates. It sucks that black women are being held back in some cases by gender roles. A good black man isn’t just the one with the fattest wallet and the best credit. He’s the one that understands and allows you to grow and lead the family in the best way that you can, while allowing him to contribute as well. Again, if you want to date inter-racially then by all means do you. Just make it about you and no one else. Don’t tell a black man that he’s not worth it because his credit isn’t good, or because he decided to start his own maintenance company versus pursue that MBA. Just don’t count him out. Black men, you talk about us being salty when you’re out with your white, asian, etc. girl but you are guilty of it too. If you want to be great, then Let Us Be Great too when we’re out with Chad or Biff.

Just love Love, y’all.

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